February 10th means a lot of things to different people. As a history graduate, I tend to think in terms of historic periods. For those who studied the Middle Ages, February 10th 1098 is when the Crusaders took Antioch. Military historians will tell you February 10th 1916 is when Conscription began in Britain. February 10th 1964 is the day Dylan released the Times they are a-Changing. But for me, 10th February will always be the day my Dad died. It was one year ago today. He passed away peacefully in the brilliant Marie Curie Hospice surrounded by family and friends. He had fought cancer for 8 months. If he was a politician, celebrity, business leader, literary, musical, or artistic giant, then he would have got an obituary in the broadsheets. But he was none of those things. He was just an ordinary working class hero, like millions of others.

One thing I often think about from my childhood is Dad’s sandpaper-rough hands, made rugged from hard work. My earliest memory of him was him taking my hand in his, as he led me to meet my new-born brother, and then immediately bribing me with a Mr Men jigsaw to stop the onset of a tantrum. From those earliest days, he took my hand in his and we discovered the world together. As my dad neared death, I put my hand in his one final time. I wanted him to know that I was with him on his final journey on Earth, as he had been with me on so many of my first journeys. As he lay dying in a hospice bed, my last words to him echoed a lifetime of his actions to me.”I love you.” The words were spoken just minutes before his death, a beautiful and a complete ending to a great relationship. The loss of my dad, whilst painful, has been strangely reaffirming because it has made me ever more aware of what a wonderful man he was. As I think about him today, I realise the legacy he left me – a curiosity about life, a hunger for knowledge, a passion for social justice, an example of a life whose riches owe little to money, a sense that anything is possible if you work hard, a model of what a father should be. Dad will always remain to me the man I hope someday to become. His was a life worth emulating: a life of great love and generosity, a life of care to others, a life of simple joys.

Bob Carr
5th January 1947 – 10th February 2009
Reblogged this on Rob Carr.
[…] In the mean time, here’s my now traditional eulogy to my dad: http://robcarr.org/2010/02/10/he-didnt-tell-me-how-to-live-he-lived-and-let-me-watch-him-do-it/ […]
[…] In the mean time, here’s my now traditional eulogy to my dad: http://robcarr.org/2010/02/10/he-didnt-tell-me-how-to-live-he-lived-and-let-me-watch-him-do-it/ […]
[…] He didn’t tell me how to live. He lived and let me watch him do it […]
Beautifully written and just how anyone should be loved by and show love for a parent. I feel the same love for both my parents and making sure they know that is very important to me. Happy for you that you also have that.
Hello Rob. First time visitor. I was too late to talk (or be with) with my Dad, as you movingly describe, because my Dad died very suddenly. I can see that you treasure those memories. I will remember your words as they are a loving and moving tribute to a life well lived in nurturing those qualities in his loving son. Thank you and well said. R.I.P. to both our Dads.
Dear Rob…this is the most beautiful piece of writing and I was so moved by it. I too held my mothers hand as she died and I know so much of waht you felt and continue to feel. How lucky you were to have such a wonderful parent….'when love touches our hearts, she never leaves…but stays as a treasure for all time'.Katherine x
Hello, just read this post following a link by Sarah Brown on twitter. I really like the way you write and I especially like your attitude to life – very refreshing in an often disappointingly 'show-off' world. I love this post especially – such a special tribute to a lovely man. I think I'll be interested in reading your thought re politics… Keep up the great work.Best wishes, Gabrielle
Bless you Rob.
Your blog was beautiful Rob. Your father sounds like an amazing man and you should know his spirit lives through you. You have such a good soul and have so many talents, passion, and such a bright future. I'm sure you make your dad proud each and every day. If you need anything I'm here. xxx
Hello – I found this a beautiful moving tribute to your Dad, it soothes my soul just to read that his love for you was so transformative, thank you for writing it.
Hi Lucy. Firstly thank you for reading my blog. I'm glad you've been reading regularly. Secondly, thank you for choosing this special post for your first comment. Please do keep commenting on future posts. It's great to get comments. Rob
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.Lucyhttp://toddlergirls.net